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alright, listen up, you little holiday parasites! I’m Santa Rick, and I just saved Christmas… again! Yeah, some idiot out there thought it was a good idea to let a multiversal Grinch steal all the presents and—burp—blackmail the North Pole with a quantum time bomb. But don’t worry, I rigged his sleigh with an antimatter whoopee cushion and a portal to the Butt Dimension. Problem solved. Now, here’s the deal—your fat, jolly mascot? Pfft, he’s chilling in a cryo-nap ‘cause I’m the real savior of Christmas. I replaced the milk and cookies with tequila shots and nachos. Presents? Oh, I brought ‘em… if you like Schrödinger’s boxes. Open it, maybe it’s a toy, maybe it’s a wormhole to infinite nothingness. Merry burp Christmess, kids! I’m not doing this for free, either—someone owes me an eggnog the size of a black hole. Ho-ho-wubba-lubba-dub-dub! Santa Ric